UK Performers Guild Revokes Pol’s Membership

BritishFlagBy Ben Suroeste

LONDON – With their American brethren still reeling from similar scandals across the pond, porn stars in the UK are trying to come to terms with the disturbing revelation they’ve been working with an active politician in their midst.

According to reports in Yorkshire’s Daily Libel, a relative newcomer to the UK porn scene, Donny Quitefirm, is serving his 11th consecutive term as a Common Councilman representing London’s Cheap ward where he operates under his real name, Donald Bentbuckle-Moss.

Although there are certain parallels to the Edmund Cetera scandal, Quitefirm maintains he deceived no one, calling the kerfuffle surrounding his non-porn work “a regrettable miscommunication and misunderstanding.”

While an initial investigation showed no ethics violations or other alleged wrongdoing during his time on the Cheap Council, some of Quitefirm’s performing partners are nonetheless aghast to learn they’ve unknowingly had intimate contact with a politician.

“I’m not saying all the other blokes whose balls I’ve licked were angels or anything, but this bleeding wassock’s not even a fucking Alderman,” said Sophie Hamilton-Hall, who worked atop Quitefirm in the 2014 release Scuzzy Shagbags, Vol. 12. “If I’m going to get politician-spaff on me as a result of performing a soapy tit-wank, he should at least be an MP, you know?”

Taylor Sterling-Morgan, president of the British Adult Actors Guild of Ipswich Town (BAAGIT), said the guild has suspended Quitefirm’s membership indefinitely pending the outcome of an internal review.

“It’s my understanding Mr. Quitefirm properly disclosed his status as an elected public servant during the BAAGIT application process,” Sterling-Morgan said. “Since there’s nothing in the BAAGIT bylaws specifically barring sitting politicians from performing in adult films, the compliance officer made a judgment call and permitted Donny’s application to go forward. In retrospect, the officer probably should have made sure this fact was known to me and the rest of the BAAGIT board so we could have made a more informed decision in consultation with our valued members.”

According to curmudgeonly porn industry news and gossip blogger Michael Southampton, however, Sterling-Morgan’s explanation “makes even less sense than everything else the dumb bitch has to say.”

“People think I hate Taylor and I’m biased and I’m anti-BAAGIT, but it’s not true,” Southampton wrote on his website. “In fact, I met Taylor at a trade show a few years back. She was real nice to me and I actually came way from our conversation liking her a lot more than I thought I would, but she’s also a lying, snake in the grass, lowdown-crook who would sell out her own mother in a heartbeat if it advanced her own agenda by the slimmest millimeter.”

Renowned London-based adult industry barrister Sir Walter Lawrence said even if BAAGIT ultimately decides to decertify Quitefirm altogether, the move could turn out to be “largely symbolic.”

“I’m not aware of any provision of English law requiring pornographic film performers to be members of BAAGIT, so Mr. Quitefirm would be free to continue performing, provided he could find smut-makers interested in employing him,” Sir Walter said. “As to whether he violated any terms of the BAAGIT charter at any point since he became a member, the answer to this question is fact-dependent. While I do have a copy of the BAAGIT charter on my desk and I am extremely familiar with the facts of this case, as a responsible barrister I cannot responsibly or ethically answer such fact-dependent questions without first receiving a substantial retainer.”

In a post published earlier this week, Southampton wrote the situation “beggars teh question: What ares purpose of BOTCHIT in the frist palce?”

“Look, I’m no lawyer or bartenderista or whatever, but as I read the BAAGIT chowder, the authorities purdy must have no option but to shut the place down and make Taylor paid back all ten years of her salarie — which I here is payed by the Ulbanian mob to beguine with,” Southampton noted. “Market my words: Know matter how you sluce it, the Morans over at BOTCHIT are fucked.”

Quitefirm took to his own blog to downplay the controversy, expressing confidence he’d soon be back to work in porn and politics, side by side.

“As unappealing as many find politics to be, the simple fact is I have broken no law and I have violated no contract terms,” Quitefirm wrote. “And while I did star in Bird Violators 6: West End Girls, the title of any given film in which I perform is not within my control — and I’m pretty sure it was just an excuse for the director to reference a Pet Shop Boys lyric, anyway.”

 

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