Save the Whales by Watching Porn

PornhubSaveTheWhalesWORLDWIDE – Finally! Someone has devised a way for perverts to feel good about their filthy, disgusting habit of watching online porn without paying.

Just in time for World Whale Day (Feb. 13, for those of you not in possession of a wildlife calendar), Pornhub has launched a “Save the Whales” campaign. Motivated by a purely philanthropic desire to do something good for the less fortunate, one of the world’s largest tube sites will earmark for charity 1 American penny for every 2,000 videos viewed on the site by Feb. 29. The veritable penny landslide will be donated to the Moclips Cetological Society based in Friday Harbor, Wash.

The “month-long fundraising and awareness movement [is] dedicated to the preservation of big, beautiful whales worldwide, including the endangered sperm whale, which is especially dear to Pornhub,” according to a statement distributed by the company.

The Moclips Cetological Society, founded in 1969, is a non-profit academic and philanthropic organization dedicated to saving whales, dolphins and porpoises through knowledge and conservation. The organization documents and investigates cetacean strandings, and publishes scientific research. MCS initiated the Northwest regional Orca Survey, founded the Whale Museum in Friday Harbor and founded the research tax-exempt Center for Whale Research.

“Humans are not the only mammals that engage in sexual activities for reasons other than procreation,” said the society’s president, Ken Balcomb. “Cetaceans —whales, dolphins and porpoises — are very sexual animals and have evolved a variety of fascinating social life histories beyond simple procreation.

“Although our primary goal is to ensure effective conservation for cetacean species, our academic goal is to educate the public about their social and biological lifestyles that readers might find very interesting,” he added.

Nearly a century of commercial whaling and overfishing has decimated the population of whales in the wild. The marine mammals play an important role in maintaining the health of the oceans.

“Here at Pornhub, we care deeply about the environment and the preservation of wildlife,” said Vice President Corey Price. “We’re now asking our community to turn their attention to, and help save, a different type of blowhole — one that belongs to a majestic species that once swelled in numbers throughout the oceans before commercial industries initiated their demise.”

As part of the campaign, Pornhub has created a special landing page that will direct all traffic to the main site. Using what Price called “an active tracking counter,” the site will clock the number of users and videos, thereby determining the amount of funds raised.

It’s worth noting that unless one is psychic, the landing page is not easy to find.

Save the Whales is part of the Pornhub Cares initiative, which also includes the limited-edition Christy Mack clothing line to support the fight against domestic violence; Save the Boobs, a breast cancer awareness campaign; Save the Balls, testicular cancer awareness campaign, and Give America Wood, an Arbor Day campaign.

So far, there’s been no confirmation of the rumor that Pornhub has established special underwater viewing equipment for a whale-porn tube site.

 

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Anna Cahnda

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